Lets get off the subject of music for a minute and talk about real life. Somebody told me once that things cost money. Then they told me that money comes from jobs, not trees. There’s only one problem..

See this guy?

This is your boss.. And you’re tired of his shit. 

“But I gotta eat and pay rent, Hank! I need this guy!”

Calm down, Nathan. You see that pile of crap outside?

It’s time to turn that eyesore into a lean, mean, money makin’ machine. Is your car 1996 or newer and you’re at least 19 years old? YOU’RE HIRED. Wow that was easy. Now you don’t have a boss. YOU’RE THE BOSS. Welcome to your new job as an UberEATS Partner.

WHOA! Partner?? That sounds important!!!

It is.

You will be sitting in on major financial and business decisions at Uber Headquarters in your brand new, name-engraved chair at the head of the corporate table. This is in fact, very false. (I know cause I tried.)

I will not candy-coat this. You’re a food delivery guy / girl. But Partner sounds badass, right? Ok then.

I’m a musician. I won’t get into all specifics but let’s just say we’re not exactly showering daily in 100 dollar bills. Any income is welcome plus and we need total freedom and flexibility. So I have done this and speak from experience. And I can tell you, it’s totally fucking easy.

So how much do you make? $97-$102 minimum for 7 hours work completing at least one delivery per hour, regardless of the distance. Now that is the minimum with expenses included (Fuel, Uber Fee, etc).

Some nights are busy and its possible to make around $120 with tips. So no, you’re not going to get rich off of this, but that’s not the point. Here are the perks:

  • It’s fun.
  • You can start at 19 instead of 21.
  • Your car can be a two door.
  • Tips!
  • You can listen to any music you want because food just wants to be eaten and doesn’t give a shit that you love Hanson.
  • You get to discover a lot of cool restaurants.
  • People are happy to see you, including the restaurants. (Rarely do you get a negative customer).
  • You get discounts on things like oil changes.
  • You can get paid INSTANTLY right into your bank account as many times as you need.

Yes, that is a pretty cool feature. Need to pay your phone bill immediately? Boom, go drive a few hours, get paid immediately.

Mainly, you get $250 after your first 100 trips done before January 31, 2017. (It doesn’t take long to reach this). This offer applies to UberEATS Los Angeles ONLY. You get $100 after your first 40 trips in any other city I believe.

Ok, so first you need to sign up here:

Or use promo code KI4NQ if you sign up manually.

Now there are a couple simple rules to ensure that you are getting paid the minimum base rate. Be sure you follow these, because Uber makes it uber-difficult (zing!) to resolve any or all issues. For one, they do not have a customer service number for drivers. I repeat, the $66 billion dollar Bay Area tech company, Uber, does not have a phone number. Keep that in mind when you’d like to have a few words with your new robot boss. You have to email them to get any response. Now, here are a few things to make this totally worth while:

  • Guarantees always occur between the hours of 11am-2pm and 5pm-9pm, 7 days a week. This doesn’t mean you can’t work all damn day & night if you want to. This is just for the guarantees. For this you must complete one delivery (This means when you accept the delivery. If the delivery is completed after the hour, it still counts as a delivery.) Also, you must retain an 80% acceptance rate. This is located under your ratings tab, and just tap “delivery” at the top to view the acceptance. (I have and Android, so the app may appear and function slightly different for iphone.)

Mine is below.. Obviously. So I wouldn’t get the gaurantee.

  • Also, Make sure you opt-in to receive email and SMS from Uber, otherwise you won’t receive the promotion each monday. Once you sign up, you can do this at https://partners.uber.com then click on “Help” at the top of the menu, then account settings, then “Turn on SMS or email updates”.
  • Now, each Monday when Uber sends you that week’s promotion via email or SMS, it is very important to sign up every Monday morning before 11am. Otherwise, you won’t receive your guarantees for the entire week and you’ll have to wait till the following Monday. They do not make this very clear, because Uber would like to not pay their drivers gaurantees to save money. But not you Sally. You have your shit together, cause Hank has got your back.
  • They recommend you carry a heating bag. Don’t bother with it, you don’t need it.
  • It is important to stay within the delivery zone. Uber finds the nearest driver to the restaurant receiving the order. Below is a coverage map and locations Los Angeles that use Uber services. Obviously every city will have it’s own map.
    • A Delphi greek
    • Bay Cities
    • Big Daddy’s Poke Shack
    • California Pita & Grill
    • Canter’s
    • Capriotti’s
    • Cerveteca – Culver City
    • Coral Tree
    • Coral TREE Cafe
    • DK’S Donuts and Bakery
    • Dr. Sandwich
    • Emporium Thai
    • Factor’s Famous Deli
    • Fala Bar
    • Fatburger -West Hollywood
    • Feast From the East
    • Fresh Corn Grill
    • Fritto Misto
    • Fundamental L.A.
    • Greenspan’s Grilled Cheese
    • Grilliant
    • Holy Cow
    • Hummus Bar
    • Kimukatsu
    • Kreation Organic
    • Mixt Greens
    • Mozza2Go
    • Nizam Indian Cusinine
    • Phorage
    • Ramen Yamadaya
    • ROC Kitchen – Beverly Grove
    • Roc Kitchen – Sawtelle
    • Roma Specialty Pizza
    • Rosemary Grill
    • Simpang Asia
    • Simply Salad
    • Slicetruck Pizza
    • Sotto
    • Starry Kitchen
    • Taco Love – Venice
    • Take a Bao
    • Tasty Wok Cuisine
    • Thai East Wind
    • The Oinkster
    • The Poke Shack – Melrose
    • The Slice
    • Tuk Tuk Thai

 

Since this job is super easy, I recommend using your time wisely. Instead of blasting music for 7 hours a day, sign up for an Amazon Audible account and replace your Creed Anthology with tons of books. See? Now your making money AND learning something. Go to http://www.audible.com/ and use promo code: hsnaudible to get 2 free months (2 Audiobooks).

Maybe you love your job and you just need to get off the XBOX and out of the damn house for a few hours. This is a great way to do that. Maybe your lazy-ass cousin can’t put a resume together to save his life. Please send this to him. If you’re outside of Los Angeles, you’ll have to check to see if UberEATS is in your city. Now get out there and get some cash. Don’t say I never gave ya nothin.

PS – If you know any good audiobook recommendations, please leave in the comment section. Thanks!